Women and men speak two different languages.

The common stereotypes in marriage is that the wife won’t stop nagging and the husband doesn’t want to listen. This creates a difficult, ongoing cycle in a marriage. Men need to practice love and understanding, and women need to practice honor and respect. And both need to be clear in their communicating.

This is not how to communicate.

This is not how to communicate.

But what if the solution is not what we say, but how we say it?

The brain processes both verbal and non verbal communication at the same time. We speak with our words, our tone, and our expressions equally. When you communicate with your husband, try these 4 things for a healthier relationship:

1) Words should encourage.

You can build someone up-or break them down with words.

You can build someone up-or break them down with words.

Does it seem like men don’t notice when the garbage can full of garbage? Is this why they don’t do anything about it? It’s frustrating, I know. But if you are too mouthy and ask a sassy question like, “Don’t you EVER notice the trash can when it’s full or does it LITERALLY have to over flow??!? It will actually discourage him. Now you have made him feel small, and have made things worse. No man wants that from his wife.  If you simply ASK him to take out the trash, he will! Your words have encouraged him to step up, not discouraged him.

2) Soften your tone.

Alright, you read #1 and are now asking a nice questions. But your tone is still unpleasant.  You ask, “Honey, will you please take out the trash?” but you sound like you’ve been on your period for 3 months. Your catty tone causes discomfort. You thought you were being nice by using the words, “honey” and “please,” but your tone says you don’t like him. He is turned off, doesn’t want to hear you, and the cycle continues. You don’t have to be mean when you are asking or saying something.

3) A smile goes a long way.

An author and experimental psychologist at Yale University, Marianne La France, says that on average, girls and women smile more. We’re naturally more emotional and expressive. Use this to your advantage!

Your man is comforted by your smile. It’s what attracted him to you when you first met. When a woman smiles, a man sees it a flirtatious. Your smile creates a positive atmosphere that he wants to be part of. When we are smiling, they are more likely to approach us, talk to us, listen, hug and kiss us. And that’s exactly what we want, isn’t it? You don’t hear women saying, “I wish he’d stop listening so much,” or “I wish he’d stop hugging me so much.”  We want and desire to be loved. When you feel disconnected to your hubby, smile at him. Smiling is a way we connect with people.

Smiling is a way to connect. Try it!

Smiling is a way to connect. Try it!

4) Make eye contact.

He makes you mad. He doesn’t understand you. It seems like he puts himself first. You sometimes wonder if he is missing half of his brain?! We sometimes don’t even want to look at them! Disrespect comes in many forms, this being one of them. Even when you don’t feel like it, look him in the eye when something is wrong. SIMPLY tell him how you feel. “I am slightly bothered right now because …”

The thing about guys is-they don’t have the intuition like we do. We can’t assume they will turn off the tv and come help with dinner just because we are sweating in the kitchen. Instead of getting mad and not looking at him for the rest of the night, go to him, make eye contact, and say what you need to say. You will feel better, and in doing so, he will feel better.

 

No matter how much you disagree, the truth is: He matters to you. It’s the reason you are with him. Covey this to him by your words, your tone, and your expressions.

Happy marriage!

 

 

 

What else seems to work for you and your husband? Please share-it might help someone out!