Your man chose to date you. He thinks you’re pretty. He thinks you’re smart. He likes being with you. He can see you being the mother of his children. He proposed to you. You are now husband and wife. Now what? Life-long happiness, no disagreements, and you will share chores 50/50 right? Wrong.
Sometimes your sad. Sometimes you cannot see eye to eye. Chores are more like 80/20.
Reality sets in, and you find yourself being whisked away to the time when you were first getting to know each other. When you were on such a “love high”, and couldn’t imagine life with that person being unpleasant in any way.
The divorce rate is highest among ages 20-24, when most of these “love highs” happen for us. But this is also the age when we are still figuring ourselves out. We are a bit naive and think marriage is some fairy tale to be lived out, and then run to divorce court at the first sign of an argument. This is the wrong way to live your life. You really expect 2 different people, with 2 different brains, 2 different personalities, 2 different childhood experiences, and 2 different sexes to live in perfect harmony? Come on now.
I’ll never forget my mom telling me, when I was young, that you have to work on marriage every day. My parents have been married for 40 years. And when I was a child living with them, boy did they fight! They also kissed, hugged, cried, laughed, and established their “roles” (these “roles” are different in every couple) in the marriage.
So, to work on your marriage everyday:
1) Work on your happiness first. You can’t expect someone else to make your happiness show up. This is up to you.
2) Say what you need to say. When we keep things inside our head, especially negative things, it takes a toll on our body. We eventually blow up at our spouse and he thinks we’re crazy. Talk when the issue arises, and things will be easier.
3) Let him say what he needs to say. Men think women talk too much. Stop talking and listen better- because what goes around comes around. So when it comes time to vent to our husbands, they’ll be more eager to listen.
4) Be vulnerable. Being vulnerable does not make you weak, despite what it feels like to you. It makes you stronger, your marriage stronger, when you can trust that your partner is there to help you. Remember, you don’t have all the answers.
5) Tell him he is appreciated. He wants to feel like the super-hero in your life. Make a list of what you are thankful for, and share it with him. By doing this you are focusing on the positive, not the negative.